Dear Diary #11

January 16, 2013

Dear Diary,

I know I don’t post much lately…It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s just that the days would just pass by. I’m with mixed emotions because this is what I wanted, I want the days to pass by quickly because I can’t wait to graduate. It’s still a year before that but I can’t wait, as you know, I’m unhappy with my course…But I have been coping up as I said. And I do feel better, sometimes too better I think. And maybe that’s good rather than me sulking every time. I think I could go on too without another visit to the guidance councilor. It feels good that I can cheer up myself once again.

Moving on, last night I finished the anime Daddy Long Legs. I’ve been watching the episode since last year and it gave me quite an experience. Its an adaptation of Jean Webster’s novel with some changes. I haven’t read the novel yet, but the anime is somehow nostalgic. It was aired and dubbed in the Philippines when I was young and honestly, I didn’t watch it, except for one time and that’s all I can recall. It’s either they aired it when I was in Guam or that it is airing on TV and I refuse to watch it simply because I’m not too fond of Judy’s “Pippi Longstocking” hair.  What made it nostalgic was that I share the same name with the protagonist- Judy, but mine is spelled with an ‘i’. I remember high school classmates who call me Judy Abbott sometimes. And last semester a classmate asked if I knew Daddy Long Legs. I would always say yes because I am familiar with it but haven’t had the chance to really watch the series. I realized it’s one of the anime series that made our childhood along with Princess Sarah, Sailor Moon, Doraemon, Hello Kitty, etc.

So I decided to watch the series and I was very surprised because I enjoyed watching it, especially during Christmas vacation. I watched episode after episode and though it was predictable at times, it was very fun to watch. What made me so engaging was the fact that I actually have a lot of similarities with Judy Abbott. I’m also a writer, I’m also a poet, she has written short stories which I’ve done too, she has written novels which is I want to do, they acted William Shakespeare’s As You Like It while that was the play assigned to our class in our junior year, she writes letters regularly and I write letters to my two best friends though not regularly,  she writes to her ”Daddy” while I’ve always written in diaries even though it seems like I’m just talking to myself. Her birthplace is New York which is where I want to go. Even the way she acts when teased with boys, I see myself and I just laugh while watching.

I couldn’t believe that I would instantly fall in love with it.  I judged it even before watching it and now that I gave it a chance, I just simply adore it. And like anyone who has ever finished watching a series, I’m in a “what now?” state, but it left quite an impression on me and I’m glad it did.

What I want now is Judy’s cheerful nature, when I was a child I know I was that cheerful, but growing up I began to show a shy, quiet, introverted side in me. Sometimes I miss that child, sometimes I cry when I remember her, it’s like I don’t know her but I know I do. Maybe she is still inside me, I’m not sure, but when I know I’ll tell you. Cheers, 🙂

Advertisements

The Sea

Since its new year, its the time to liven up and look forward to what’s coming upon us. I have been very vocal about how unhappy I was this 2012, but I hope 2013 would be much a better year for me. I have no ”new year resolution”, but I’ll still do my best, and starting from now, I’d throw any setback away from me. After all, I’m a dreamer and I can’t let anything hinder me.

With that, I share with you, probably the most evident poem of my depression. Someday there will come another chapter in my life that will bring sadness again, but until then, I bring the strength I have from these sad moments in my life.

 

The days greet me with sadness,

And I respond with my madness.

Flames just waiting to burst,

I place a fist to my heart first.

 

To agony, my eyes are closed,

But to myself, it’s clearly exposed.

I beget the sorrows of everyday,

And I try hard to forget as time goes away.

 

A tired soul in me,

I try to rise up for harmony.

And again, life pulls me down,

Imprinting to myself, more than a frown.

 

Though the weight of the world is in my shoulders,

I speak, no one listens, and it lingers.

I drowned myself for I can’t take no more,

Behold! I’m still alive, walking past the shore.

 

For The Debutante

While I was doing some rummaging I found the program for the 18th birthday of my friend last March of this year. Me and my other friend we’re the emcees and she needed some introduction so I made her a poem. It’s for all those who celebrate their debut/18th birthday. Just 3 stanzas. 🙂

So here it is:

The sunset says goodbye, it is an ending.

But the sun rises again with its new beginning.

The time has come for a cocoon to sprout,

And let the butterfly gently come out.

 

For a duckling becomes a beautiful swan,

With its glow outshining the colors of tan.

Calmly moving, as it goes,

To a new path where the river flows.

 

For the last seventeen years,

She has lived with both happiness and tears,

But on this day she is now a lady,

And she faces the world with new-found bravery.

Once In My Dreams

The cold air kisses me,

When I remember,

A broken love’s memory.

Deep in my slumber,

Images I can’t see,

It lingers further,

To an unspoken reality.

The apparition of my desires,

Coming forth in every while,

I wake up in ire,

To my dreams, I beguile.

Free From You

This is a poem I made just this June in contrast to the poems I post that I made last year. Here it goes. 🙂

I imagine a world,

A world that’s true,

Not so cold,

Free from you.

 

I imagine a world,

Not so blue,

memories shattered &  old,

Free from you.

 

I want a world.

Where I can do.

Where I can hold.

Free from you.

 

I wish a world,

Where I haven’t met you.

My story is retold,

Free from you.

A Late Post

I have been stale lately, mainly because of much school work to do and my own body’s drama. It saddens me that I can’t have time for my blog, I love it already and of course, you give time to those you love. Nevertheless, I am still persevering to balance things out and make it healthy for me.

Anyway, this poem I’m going to share is one of my old poems. I can’t do a long post now, so this just a short one.

 

Sea Shells

 

Why were you born as such?

I blush too much…

And right away I fell,

Into the scent of your smell.

 

You are such a sweet vice,

You’re nothing but pleasure in my eyes.

More precious than sea shells,

Is your value more than anyone else.

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Without a doubt I would admit that my college crush left an impression on me. I’m on my third year now, and I still see him, I still talk to him, but somehow I don’t know what I feel, its different every time I see him. Sometimes I just want to hide from him but sometimes I show my presence. My feelings may not be sure but it was the little things that made lasting impressions.

His favorite song, as far as I know, is “Walking In The Rain” by A1. I like A1 but I was introduced to the song because of him. I loved the song since then, not my favorite but I love it. It was with this that I started   thinking about rain. What’s about it anyway? As time passed, I can relate much to the song, hence my fondness of it. It was also at this time that I felt mad to him because of some things that happened around us, and maybe between us, but it was always one sided and up to now even though these things already happened several months ago, everything is still unclear.  Because of my fixation with my crush, I made this poem:

Walk In The Rain

By this time I don’t know how,

To bring out all the pain inside.

All my feelings for you just bow,

For now you are not in my side.

 

Lonely am I, I receive none of your love.

Of this and everything, I just ask why.

I have no peace, dead is the dove.

This heart I give to you, let it just fly.

 

You don’t know how much is the pain I feel,

I want to sing but I have no voice.

You’re moving on so what’s the big deal.

You love her and you bring me no choice.

 

By myself I walk in the rain,

Thinking of you and also trying to forget.

I hope the rain washes my pain,

But loving you I don’t regret.

 

When I was a child, “Rain Rain Go Away” was sang, as if the rain brings something we never wanted. When I was in elementary school until I was high school rain was such a blessing, it meant that school would be suspended for days. I miss those days actually, staying inside the house and drinking hot chocolate, those days when life was much simpler in my eyes. But life didn’t stop there, when it rained, we teenage girls do the “sun dance”. Rain was also the blessing of St. Benedict, for I was in an exclusive all-girls Catholic school.  Now that I’m a college student the days when a little rain hinted no classes we’re far from me and rain is a sign of such a bad day. But at times I’m delusional, and still wish I had someone who will run and get soaked with me in the rain.

If things would never be the same for us, then all I want to say is thank you, he’s an inspiration, no matter how much of a monster I think he is. Even my friends don’t like him for me anymore, I never really expected anything from him anyway, maybe what I felt for him is close to love but not love itself, and I’m glad I stopped there. I still think of him though, as evident of this poem I just recently made:

Rain.

Why does the rain fall down?

Is it to make us frown?

Does it give us a shower?

Or moments we’ll always remember?

 

Is it the clouds crying?

Or a silent blessing?

When does it really stop?

Would we feel the last raindrop?

 

I wish for a kiss in the rain,

Is it too much or too vain?

We’ll run and you’ll hear my heart beating,

While the heavy rain is pouring.

 

We’ll stop for a while,

And then I’ll see your smile.

I wish its not a dream in my brain,

That together we walk in the rain.

Goodbye and Always

Your warm embrace, Your chilling face,

 I lose it all, then I just fall.

I give and love, I free the dove.

You’re gone away, my love’s astray.

 

Your mystery, can’t hide from me.

When I’m around, to you I’m bound.

My heart can see, set the truth free,

For all this time, I know you’re mine.

 

But I give you, to someone new.

She is the one, that’s what you’ve done.

But I won’t cry, let my heart die,

What I believe, my love won’t leave.

 

Goodbye to you, and what you do.

Sweet November, I’ll remember.

Light of my day, your mem’ries stay.

Will always be, always in me.

Previous Older Entries

Blog Stats

  • 1,323 hits