Misunderstandings

Maybe it was love, but maybe it was not,

Maybe I did little, but maybe it was a lot.

May I was happy, but maybe I was sad,

Maybe I was surprised, but maybe I was mad.

 

Maybe I do feel, but maybe you don’t see,

Maybe I accept, but maybe you don’t like me.

Maybe I’ll be good for now, but maybe I’ll go,

Maybe I’ll be understood, but maybe you won’t know.

 

To My Mom

This is a short poem I made for my mom, an advance greeting for mother’s day.

She’s in Guam while I’m in the Philippines 🙂

 

Happy mother’s day to my mother dear,
Even though you’re far away,
For me you are near,
Because in my heart you stay.
You gave the world another poet,
And I look forward to the day we sing a duet.
I’m more than a lover,
For I’ll always be your daughter.

Lies and Tears

I have loved and I was robbed.

I love you…But I couldn’t say it to you.

Now I’m sad and I wish time could have stopped.

I never had the chance to say what was true.

 

It was the lies. The lies that glued us.

Slowly, painfully, it was breaking my heart.

And I thought all I had was lust.

No, not just my heart, but myself was tearing apart. 

Beat of My Heart

One, two

My heart beats too

Three, Four

Why do you ignore?

Five, Six

The clock ticks

Seven, Eight

I’ll ask you straight

Nine, Ten

If you’ll love me, then when?

Until Next Time

Everywhere I go,

I’ll always bring.

The broken memory,

Of a love once known.

 

Every morning I wake up,

My wounds are healed.

My scars are bare,

That only time will erase.

 

Every sunrise,

I see another journey.

I see light,

From darkness past.

 

Every sunset,

I see goodbye.

Until next time,

the red sky embraces me.

Dear Diary #7

Sept. 24, 2012

Dear Diary,

A lot happened today, well, ‘a lot’ happened from afternoon onward. It was our recollection day today.  I wasn’t even excited, after doing it once a year for the third time now, it doesn’t give me any excitement other than the fact that there is no classes for us. It was nice to be with my friends from Section B again. The facilitator started the recollection in a good note. He told us the reflection in the story of “The Two Blind Men” in the gospel. After that, my section, A, was parted from B. We went to the other classroom and met our speaker, we only did an activity called “Jesus Chair” in which, when you touch the chair, you will have the power to dance, you perform any dance step then assign another person, that person then does the dance and makes his own steps for the next person until everyone is done. It was fun, laughing hard after being so gloomy is such a good feeling.

After that we had the (usual) snack prepared for us. After snack time both sections were merged and the speaker (the one assigned to Section B) facilitated the session. He was funny and quirky with all his movements that really made us laugh. But what really struck me was the content of what he was speaking, the generic, routinary life I feel right now. It was kind of uplifting because it is true. You say you’re “fine” even though a lot is going on, people don’t care and we yearn for illusions to come true but that only breaks our hearts.

After that was an abysmal lunch, really, the food never gets better. Then we waited in the classrooms and another scene-stealing tantrum of mine happened again. I hugged the right arm of Daddy V (we actually call him Kuya V, kuya means big brother in Filipino since he’s already 23yrs old). He’s really a nice guy, over the time when I was in a bad moo with College Crush, he’d be there joking that my crush would pay, aside from my Pare, he’s the next reason I softened up to boys, because believe me, I was androphobic, I didn’t talk to them,  and it was only in our 1st yr 2nd semester that I warmed up to them, they were kind after all. And they’re kind of special to me because they’re my first male friends.

So I hugged him and we went to the other room where my former classmates were. Actually, there was a time I hugged him worse than what I did today. I know everyone saw me and I don’t care, I don’t have any obligation to explain to them anyway, I don’t owe them anything.

The next session was held held by the speaker who did the “Jesus Chair” activity. In all honesty, he was boring and I went to sleep, then my friend told me not to sleep because those douchebag classmates of ours seated in our front view (we were formed in a U-shape) were laughing. At the back of my mind I said, and so? I know myself that if my body wants to sleep, then it will sleep. Our speaker shifted to an all boring mode and nobody was even listening anymore.

Finally, the recollection ended and me and my friends stayed at one apartment. We rested for awhile, talked and everything. I went back to my dormitory to change and put on slippers (because my killer wedge shoes need rest too!).

We rode a Jeepney to go to the mall and when we asked for the driver to stop, he didn’t stop right away because there were snatchers/thieves along the roadside. When the driver stopped, we were afraid to go but then one of us moved and all of us followed quickly.

Due to our busy schedule, it was only this time that me and my friends went out. One of my friends was going to buy pants, she didn’t buy one here so we went to another mall (by another Jeepney ride again, see how the Jeepney is so convenient, haha :D).

We saw two of our classmates who were lovers and another girl who was with someone new.  I treated my friends for dinner, we did a little grocery shopping and was then on our way home.

My friends told me that I was doing it again (the thing with Daddy V, I’ve already done with College Crush albeit in a more disastrous way). They told me that even though I don’t care our classmates still have those judgemental eyes. I know what they’re saying is true. When I was back at my dormitory, thinking about it I had a sudden reality experience.

Because my friend told me that if I keep acting that way, our classmates would think I’m “thirsty” for men. Right then I wanted to tell her that maybe I am. And I realized maybe it’s because I didn’t have much of a good shot with my father, the lack of a male figure ( although  I have my grandfather, it’s just not the same with a father), and the lack of male friend or much worse, a suitor, heck, I was even androphobic.

What everyone doesn’t understand is that when I hug them, it’s the satiation of my deprived feelings. And it is just clearly, purely, innocent friendship.

Anyway, I’m glad that I came into this realization, or else I’d end being promiscuous or desperate for a man. And I will not do any physical contact with the boys that might make another scene.

This is the longest post I wrote to you Diary, I hope that satiates my infrequent updates. 😀

Thank You.

Of all the things that happened, there are things I surely regret but I realized that there are actually a lot of things I’m thankful for…

 

Thank you for the sparks I feel inside,

Those were the feelings I never wanted to subside.

 

Thank you for showing me the smiles of your face,

they are images I can’t simply erase.

 

Thank you even for just your mere presence,

I remember every sign of my innocence.

 

Thank you for the words you say,

I hear your voice and it makes my day.

 

Thank you for being my love,

That I praise God from above.

 

Thank you for your time,

even though it’s clear you’re not mine.

 

Thank you for loving me,

Even though it’s just friendly.

 

Thank you for igniting my tears,

I will remember this for years.

 

Thank you for making me smile,

the world stops and I’m happy for a while.

 

Thank you for being a man,

realizing I’m your biggest fan.

 

Thank you for being a beautiful sight,

you always showcase your might.

 

Thank you for staying in my head,

I can’t think of any other happy thought instead.

 

Thank you for the chocolate,

its more delicious than others I ate.

 

Thank you for just being you,

Because I love you and that’s the reason I do.

 

And thank you for coming into my life,

Or else, I’ll just be in strife.

 

A Love Letter

To my deepest and most loved desire,

 

I want you to know, that if I won’t have you today, then I will have you tomorrow. And if that can’t be, I’ll forever be in sorrow.

For your arms are my palace, I will never find any other place, that will give me much happiness from your embrace.

Everything I utter, I ask you to consider.

I will give a love so divine, if you could just be mine.

I will shower you with warmth that you will feel shelter, take care of you if you ever have a fever, throw away my temper, I respect you elders, won’t you choose me instead of her?

I am your lover, won’t yes be your answer?

I give you everything that’s true, so darling act now and stop making me blue. Tell me if I will wait for you, because I would absolutely do.

Nothing else could make me happy, than the thought of you and me.

Make my dreams come true, I want it to be reality when I hug you.

Can’t you see what you’ve done to me? I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t let it be.

If you say no, then I feel like I have lost to my biggest foe.

Don’t make me lose it all, and make my love take its biggest fall.

 

With fervent ardor, I end this letter,

Your admirer.